And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
