Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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