She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
