the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
