"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
