First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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