if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
