you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
