epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i wish my penis had a tongue
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
