It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
