I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize