I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
