sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
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I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
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I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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