So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
