i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
