"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
