i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
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