i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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