u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
