Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
