I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
