so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
