Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
