Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
