Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Little spoons don't ask big questions
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
