So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
