even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
