dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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