Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
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