Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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