what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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