Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
where does the pee come out of this thing
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
