worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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