We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Randomize
