I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize