Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
