My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
