We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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