i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
