whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
