So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
