I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?