Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
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She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
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Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.