I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house