She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
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I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.