Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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