i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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