the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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