I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
