Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
