White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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