Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
