mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
