a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
