Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
