You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
