why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
