She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
