You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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