It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
