At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
as a side note pls kill me
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
