My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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