my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
