Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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