Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
