I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
