what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
