you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize