I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
