I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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