Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
