I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize