you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
